I lost myself again

People have to find the next goal in future.
If you have detail about your future plans, every body admires you!
If you not, they view you as an idiot.

I am so depressed that I need a perfect goal.
It could heal my weak heart.

I don't know what and where my feature is.
Maybe English is, but it's temporary, just for now, and then?
Even I didn't do it very well. I continue to be scared at talking with
people.

Now I am still cool to watch this world.
I learn to get along with the whole world and pretend to own passion
very much. But I am still me, nothing can change me.
At this moment I give up everything: English, smile, novels and music.
I have tried to do everything, to be a good person..................
And I don't always want to murmur. Q_Q This is one of my personalities!
I am shame and hating myself right now~

When I was in this situation, I used to doing something special for myself.
Ex. dressing myself up, finding my friend who can make me happy.
The friend is usually my boyfriend. but he is too great to agree with my
pessimistic.

We usually think we can understand our sad friends when the sad
people talk about themselves. So do I. Maybe this is a reason that
we break up the relationship. Do you have any good idea about how
people can respect to each other ? Especially when someone needs help.



I usually lost my mind among language and people.
Who am I? What can I do? I always want to figure out all questions.

Many people gonna get marry as their age is similar to me,
but I regret that I have to be responsible for my close boyfriend right now.
Oh my god, I have much apology to him without any guilt.
This is such a strange idea in my mind.
I think our marriage doesn't fit neither me nor him.


I need to share my feeling with everyone who cares about me.
I need a lot of courage which my people and family give me.
Please forgive me, my dear father.

預告：下個月我就要去Florida拉~

這是我人生第一場流浪的旅程
我去那邊讀語文學校
也算是很安全的旅程吧~

幫我祝福吧!

螢幕，逃不出去的框

應該是從有了電腦配上網路開始，
我們的生活有大半的時間都耗在螢幕上面。

我到了美國，這裡是個地廣有點無聊的地方，
上課回家後，第一件事就是打開電腦，log on msn message
吃飯的時候，多半配吃"康熙來了" in youtube
小小的youtube視窗解了不少台灣的相思ㄚ~(想必留學生是很寂寞的)

小螢幕看太久，改換看大電視。
美國的節目大多口味很重，直接在螢幕裏面打鬥叫囂，
還有十分不讓我了解的無厘頭風格simpson和family guy
更有比台灣龍捲風還台的美式soup，再來也是有品質勝於hollywood
電影的美國影集，多到我數不完ㄚ。

再來，我又有個超級小螢幕 DS
Nintendo出的觸碰式遊戲機比Wii好玩，加上又有
Word coach每天催促我被單字，至少有一兩小時耗在上面

所以，螢幕阿螢幕，你陪伴我好多時光ㄚ~~
有時候當我眼睛不舒服時，該跟你say no，卻被你巴著不放~.~
都快瞎了啦！

在睡覺前發誓，明天要好好封鎖你，隔天，卻又被制約地把電源
turn on。

寫到這邊
要下什麼註解呢?
螢幕，我願意呆在這個框裡，過我的人生。

為什麼會發抖

以前我記得我常常跟靜雯抱怨我的人際關係問題
為什麼我面對我的朋友的時候,總是會發抖呢?

我也不喜歡發抖,忍不住就........
無法克制的害怕

往往與人交往到一個程度,乏味感從此而生

而我,
在別人生命裡,留下什麼足跡呢?
大多都是一片空白
以前會討厭有些說不認識我的人
認為他們太過於自我,眼光只留於good-looking的人
直到現在,我還是如此
甚至變得更偏執

就因為這樣孤芳自賞,哈,好個火星人

所以
發抖真的個不瀟灑的舉動 (真想一棒打斷這腿~~~~~)

very few times 發瘋地欺騙
sometimes 不求回報地捨身救己精神
I often talk myself....

今天是個奇特的一天
是在Indi的朋友離開的一天
我去送他without any pain

出了國才發現,
世界之小
已經會安慰要離別的朋友說
"Don't be sad. You have a good friend on earth."
聽起來,我真的很像from亞利安星球
"I have some friends in Taiwan."
已成了我在美國的一大安慰了。


唉~ 為什麼每次都假裝悲傷呢?
說實話,我最近煩惱快要回台灣找工作了
每晚都做惡夢....
到底在寫什麼鬼?!
我的志望是當作家耶 零分